By KIRI WALTON, Staff Writer
kwalton@williamsonherald.com

Years ago, when the generation now bringing home the bacon was eating it with the rest of breakfast made by Mom, the men were the only breadwinners and women stayed home with the children.

But times are changing, dads are pulling the Radio Flyer through the neighborhood, pushing the stroller through the grocery store and even driving the soccer van.

Everything has changed for Brentwood resident Christopher Richards, of NashDads.com, a site devoted to the stay-at-home dads in the Nashville area, who may want to gather for play groups or exchange advice and information.

The site states,  “We usually meet at an area playground at 10:30 a.m. to let the little ones burn off some energy while we chat about sports, movies, politics, poopy diapers, TV shows, the tribulations of potty training or whatever/wherever the conversation may go.”

NashDads also hosts a monthly Dads’ Night Out to allow them a break away from the children.

At 19, Richards didn’t want to have kids. Now, he has three of them with whom he stays at home, while his wife works at Deloitte & Touche.

“There’s no backseat in a Ferrari,” Richards joked, remembering his fantasy of having a large house and a fast car, no kids.

Richards chose to stay at home after realizing that it was more logical for his wife, who brought in more income, to be the sole breadwinner.

The number of stay-at-home fathers has tripled in the last decade and is at 160,000, making up 2.7 percent of stay-at-home parents, according to the U.S. Census Bureau information. However, this is difficult to measure because of the amount of fathers who may have part-time jobs or work from home.

According to federal labor statistics, fathers who are the primary caregivers make up about 20 percent of the country.

According to a survey by Christianity Today magazine, the average stay-at-home dad is 38, living in the suburbs with his wife and two children.

Brad Myers is the father of Ethan, 3 years old, and Caleb, 4 months old. He decided to stay at home after being directly affected by the “technology bubble burst.”

His wife, Kelli, who works at an IT firm, was able to make enough money that Myers could stay at home with his children, whom he was only able to see three days out of the week because of his work travel schedule.

“The first six months were awful,” Richards remembers. He was visiting his wife at her job at Deloitte & Touche every day.

“Then I had an epiphany: I need to make it fun,” Richards said. “I love it now.”

Working long hours at a local record label, Richards often would not see his children before they went to bed. Now, he could never imagine life any other way.

Myers feels the same way.

“I’d miss out on a lot of development and growth,” Myers said. “Little things like giggles. My 4-month-old just learned to giggle a few weeks ago. I would’ve missed the first giggle.”

Richards admits that he was afraid, doubly so when he learned his wife was having twins.

“Men are hardwired to be breadwinners,” Richards said. He felt “stupid” or not manly enough by staying at home to watch the children. However, at this point, he realized doing just that is “still contributing immensely to the family.”

“It’s an adjustment,” Myers said of his role. “You just have to accept the fact that your energy is directed towards your children, not your career.”

 “We learn it so, so early that it feels like it’s the only natural way,” said Dr. Laura Carpenter, a sociology professor at Vanderbilt University, about gender norms.

He does face a bit of a stigma. “Little old ladies” often approach him to praise him on having a “special day” with the kids or for “helping out Mom.” He chuckles. Though he said he had not received much flack from men, he was basically shunned from a predominantly female play group. The women felt as though they could not discuss everything they would like with Richards there, he said.

On the other hand, he also receives praise for being a stay-at-home father.

“A lot of women I know, they’d rave about them [stay-at-home dads],” said Carpenter.

It can be a difficult adjustment for the mother involved as well.

“She’s been amazingly involved in their lives,” Richards said.

Richards said it is still hard on his wife, who would rather be the one staying home. However, she does spend as much time with them as possible before and after work.

Since he stays with the children, Myers and his wife have been able to do more together as well. He enjoys being able to cook more with his wife, for instance.

Richards and Myers are content with their choices to make their children their career.

“I don’t see any [negatives] at this particular time. None at all because I think it’s important for a dad to be involved,” Myers said.

More and more fathers are expressing the same sentiment as this demographic continues to be the fastest growing family type.

 “I hope we’re getting to a point in society that the idea of certain jobs is changing, or where it’s great if both parents are very involved,” Carpenter said.
 

Posted on: 7/31/2008