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COMMENTARY BY RAMON PRESSON: The Early Spring of My Discontent

First day of winter and I’m already ready for it to be spring. It’s dark at 4:30. That’s just wrong. I want to speak to the person in charge.

The people who participate in those Polar Bear Plunges are crazy. The only way I’m jumping into ice cold water is if a polar bear is chasing me and I don’t have a gun.

In order to have a better attitude about winter it’s been suggested to me that I take up a winter sport. Hockey is a winter sport and I like watching NHL highlights on SportsCenter and it’s not helping.

C’mon, let’s have some snow! If it’s going to be cold, damp, and grey I want something to show for it. Sorta like when you’re really nauseous for a while you wish you could just go ahead and throw up. Maybe that’s not a good analogy.

One of my clients is from Colorado and he’s struggling with the Tennessee winters. He says that Colorado has sun 375 days a year. Not only would I welcome that many days of sunshine I like the idea of living in a place where you get 10 extra days per year.

I’m tired of hearing my son ask, “Has Carol Birdsong called yet? Has Carol Birdsong called yet?” If students could vote Carol could run for mayor and win. She could probably win a state senate seat on name recognition alone.

The sun came out today and I heard someone scream, “Oh my god, what it is that strangle yellow orb in the sky??!! We’re all gonna die!!” I slapped him to calm him and said, “Get a hold of yourself, man, it’s just the sun. Don’t worry, it’ll be gone tomorrow.” He thanked me and went on his way.

According to AAA a whopping 72.4 percent of winter related traffi c accidents in the South are caused by Northerners claiming that people in the South don’tknow how to drive in the snow.

I completely made up that AAA statistic but I’m asking God to make it true.

So Ron tells me that winter exists to make us better appreciate the other seasons. So I said, “In heaven at the top of every hour is there 15 minutes of hell to make us appreciate the next 45 minutes of bliss?

It was surprisingly warm today. The daffodils and Bradford pears are starting to bloom. They’re stupid and have a short memory. Because they can’t read a calendar when it’s warm they think it’s safe to play outside again. But the Frost Monster will get them, boys and girls.

This is the fi rst day of spring? Seriously?! Obviously Mother Nature doesn’t read her e-mail.

Not only am I NOT in some really wonderful place (like Florida) for Spring Break, it snowed here. It’s the ultimate insult. It’s Mother Nature speaking in the voice of a guy named Vinny and he’s slapping you going, “Ramon, you embarrass me, you know dat? You embarrassed da whole family. You goes nowhere for Spring Break. Now your cousin, Tony, at least he takes his family to Destin, but you … you’re pathetic! Just for dat, Ramon, here’s snow in ya yard.”

Author and therapist, Dr. Ramon Presson, is the founder of LifeChange Counseling and the Marriage Center of Franklin, Tenn.

Posted on: 4/9/2013


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