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Commentary: That explains it! God simply wasn’t finished with us yet

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Dr. Lucas Boyd, Columnist

Dr. Lucas G. (Luke) Boyd is the retired principal of Battle Ground Academy. He lives in Franklin and may be contacted at coondogspress@bellsouth.net.

There is an old tale about the creation of mankind that was told by the enslaved black people of our country. 

It seems that God had located some clay by the edge of a river that was just right for molding people. He was shaping men and women and leaning them up against the embankment. They were complete, except for the brains. He was intending to put in their brains after he finished the physical parts. 

However, darkness came, and being tired from his day’s work, he decided to come back the first thing the next morning and finish up. But the next day, God found that they had gotten up and walked off without their brains. And those no-brained folks have been reproducing and messing up the world ever since.  

You don’t have to look very far to find examples.

Many of you remember Jay Leno’s segment called Jay-walking. He would ask basic questions to people on the street and often get the dumbest answers. 

One time he pointed to an American flag flying on a nearby building and asked a lady how many stripes it had. She replied, “I think 13.” 

Leno said that was correct and then asked how many stars it had. She peered intently at the flag for a few seconds before answering, “It’s hard to tell. The wind is blowing so hard, it’s difficult to count ’em.”

A few years ago, a Nashville TV station was doing a segment on Mule Day in Columbia. The piece opened with the reporter standing amid several mules. 

His opening line: “These are mules. They’re often mistaken for horses.”

The lesson here: Do not send an urban reporter on a rural assignment.

A fellow needed to have his garage door repaired. He called the company that installed the door. It sent a repairman who told the man that he needed a larger motor for the door. 

The homeowner said that he had bought a half-horsepower motor, which was the largest they had. The repairman said he needed a one-quarter-horsepower motor. 

“You do know,” the homeowner responded, “that a half-horsepower is larger than a one-quarter horsepower.”

“No, it’s not,” declared the repairmen. “Four is larger than two.”

The owner called the company and got a different repair person.

A woman moved into a rural area of a county. After several months, she contacted her local official.

“I have lived on Rogers Road for only a few months, but I have noticed something that’s very disturbing. Not far from my house are several deer-crossing signs. Quite often, deer are struck by cars in the area. Obviously, this is not a safe place for deer to cross. I would like to suggest that these signs be moved to a safer location.”

Back in 2017, there was a solar eclipse in our area. One small, rural town in central Kentucky was directly in its path. 

There was an article in the newspaper about the frantic effort to complete several motels in the town to accommodate visitors who wanted to be there during the eclipse. However, the article failed to answer one question: Who in the world would want a motel room there after the eclipse? 

There also was a special section in the Nashville paper giving pointers on such topics as how to look at the eclipse in a safe manner and foods that would be good if you were tailgating during the event. There also was valuable advice about driving during the eclipse. The tip: “It will be dark. Turn on your car’s headlights.”

One woman wrote a letter to an Atlanta newspaper. 

“Is there any way we can get this Daylight Saving Time reversed? If there’s anything I don’t need, it’s another hour of sunlight. My yard grass barely lives through the regular amount of sunlight each summer. Another hour and my yard will look like the Sahara Desert. 

“Many of us cannot afford the high water bills required to keep our grass alive during Daylight Saving Time. Does anyone know someone we can contact?”

This traveler was checking in at the gate at an airport when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge?”

The passenger responded, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?”

The employee gave a knowing look as he nodded and replied, “That’s why we have to ask.”

One day, a friend of mine went into a Taco Bell and ordered a taco with minimal lettuce. The person behind the counter replied, “I’m sorry. We only have iceberg.”

A fellow in Canton, Mississippi, came to a dealership to pick up his car when he was told that it had gotten locked with the keys inside. 

He walked around to the service department and found a mechanic working to open the passenger-side door. He pulled the handle on the driver’s side and was surprised when the door popped open. 

He yelled across at the mechanic, telling him the door on this side was open. The mechanic replied, “I know. I’ve already got that side. I’m just having a little trouble with this one.”

Some years ago, a Nashville newspaper ran a series in which they asked Titans players five questions. One was: What is your most hated chore? 

A quarterback answered: “Washing dishes. I thought that was a woman’s job.” That answer helps to explain why he never made it in the NFL.

Back in the 1800s, Mark Twain said, “Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.” 

It would appear that not much has changed.

helps to explain why he never made it in the NFL.

Back in the 1800s, Mark Twain said, “Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.” It would appear that not much has changed.

 

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