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COMMENTARY BY WILLIAM CARTER: On feeding students at school

An open letter to Williamson County Republican Party Chairman Kevin Kookogey

Dear Mr. Kookogey,

Thank you, sir…thank you so very, very much!

I, too, despise all needy children and their outrageous expectations of sustenance and finally…finally…someone brave enough has come along to take on the issue of the 5,000 or 6,000 hungry, school-age children in Our County who don’t get enough to eat simply because they did not have the foresight before they were born to pick parents who are financially secure. 

Is it the fault of the rest of us well-fed, Williamson Countians these little beggars cannot afford boots with which to pull themselves up by the straps of? I think not. Should we, the remaining 180,000 residents of this great county who have their own Eggos at home and a toaster to cook them in or a re-charged Christmas gift card from Starbuck’s be happy about the 5 or 6 cents per day per person of OUR tax dollars it takes to provide a meal to warm the bellies and maybe fuel the futures of those we expect to carry on when we are gone?


Hell no, we are NOT happy about this because we all know that money could be better spent elsewhere! There are the barely-getting-by-with-only-$200-million-Republican Super PACs that need our 5 or 6 cents a day! Marsha Blackburn’s robo-calls ain’t free! The war against affordable health care cannot be fought with empty coffers, and those middle-aged Republican men – every single one an expert on women’s reproductive rights – should not be expected to pay for their own air fare to Washington to appear before Senate hearing committees or provide their own cab fare to the Fox News studios afterwards! The private investigator looking into Obama’s birth certificate has bills to pay! Why, without that 5 or 6 cents a day, there is a very real chance our fight against same-sex couples legally declaring their commitment to each other and having the same rights as the rest of us will probably lack funding! There are wealthy developers in our own county waiting for their butts to be kissed and Chap-Stick ain’t cheap! Don’t forget all of the out-of-county, out-of-state businesses and other corporations already at the front of the line waiting for their own handouts and tax exemptions, either! That 5 or 6 cents a day from each of us would go a long way toward enhancing the streets and sidewalks and landscaping and other infrastructure of Our Historic Districts! The Historic Districts, Kev! Think of the Historic Districts! Saddest of all, there are probably several True Red-Blooded American Williamson County Males weeping…weeping, I tell you! their basements right now, at this very moment, in front of their computers because they lost an auction on eBay for a pair of Sarah Palin’s panties by $18.20…which is, oddly enough, the exact amount it would cost them each year to help feed those damned 5,000 or 6,000, whiney-assed hungry kids!

I was also gladdened, Kev, that you pointed out the fact that government exists only “to protect and defend our God-given rights.” God Himself invented and graced us all with a digestive system and the process by which food is broken down to provide nutrition to all the bodies He created in His own image. Now, though, some not-yet-developed, 7-year-old kid who still has that shine in his eye and is looking forward to his walk through this world but hasn’t eaten for two days because his probably uneducated and economically-ignorant parents are unable to handle food, rent, insurance, medicine, transportation and all their other expenses on a more-than-sufficient minimum wage ($7.25 an hour!) expects God and the government to provide meals, too?!?!?  Gimme a break! You just watch…if we start handing out oatmeal, the next thing you know, that very same kid is going to expect hydration and protection from the elements and…and…a proper education! If we feed that damned kid, he might start thinking he actually has a voice and just as many rights as the rest of us! What Would Jesus Do? Well…if you close your Bible and do the right thing by just believing what the most prominent and political TV preachers tell you to believe, you’ll discover Jesus was actually a Capitalist and it’s for sure He wouldn’t feed that kid and wouldn’t hold it against any of the rest of us Christians if we didn’t, either.

I could go on, Kev, but I won’t. I can tell that you’re already aware of your own heroism in your attempt to protect our tax dollars from all of those 8 and 9-year-old children

too lazy and unmotivated to get up off of their bony, hungry butts and find a job to pay for their own damned orange juice and Froot Loops…and you probably already know what the rest of us think of you, too.

Keep up the good work, Kev!

P.S.  Have your people call my people…we’ll do a free lunch.          



Posted on: 2/22/2012


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