COMMENTARY BY RAMON PRESSON: What if? The Disciple Draft Sponsored By …
By Ramon Presson; Columnist
It’s the adult version of the grade school playground angst of being picked for teams. It’s professional sports’ version of The Bachelor. Prior to the big day candidates go to the “Combine” (no relation to farm equipment though it is held in Indiana) where they show off for potential suitors, making it akin to the strange exhibitionist behaviors of many male animals seeking to attract a mate.
It’s a Sadie Hawkins event where each boy silently prays hope that an ugly girl named “Buffalo” doesn’t ask him to the dance. It’s also where men without a printed resume or job application find out which company is going to pay them millions of dollars so they can retire before age 30. Sadly, no such lucrative job fair is conducted for newspaper columnists.
Almost as heartbreaking is the fact that many players buy new suits, attend the prom without a date, and never get asked to dance. Their blank stares are the look of a young adult struggling to come to grips with the real possibility of having to get a real job. It’s the portrait of a man wearing a thought-bubble above his head that reads, “Wow, maybe I should’ve occasionally gone to class.”
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is the NFL Draft. Once a ho-hum business meeting, the NFL Draft is now a glitzy televised event with more pre-game hype than the Super Bowl and Christmas combined. And no draft drama would be complete without prognosticators and prophets who prove to be less accurate in their predictions than stock brokers and TV weathermen.
Catching a glimpse of this year’s NFL Draft commentary and analysis prompted this question:
What if ESPN’s Mel Kiper and Todd McShay were off-stage in Galilee as Jesus is selecting his 12 disciples.
Announcer: And now with the 1st pick in the Discipleship Draft, Jesus of Nazareth selects … Peter. Todd.
McShay: Peter! Wow, that's a surprise pick! Mel.
Kiper: I agree Todd. This guy has absolutely no theological training or ministry experience.
McShay: Peter is a fisherman. Lotta good that’s gonna do the team. Kiper: Word is that he’s impulsive, aggressive, talks before he thinks.
McShay: Right! A big talker who doesn’t always follow through on the big promise.
Kiper: I question Peter being a first-round pick. It’s not like this guy can walk on water for you.
McShay: Exactly! He’s not exactly a rock you can build a kingdom on, if you know what I mean.
Announcer: And with the 7th pick in the Discipleship Draft, Jesus of Nazareth selects … Luke.
Kiper: Another surprise pick – a doctor.
McShay: Why does the team need a doctor if the coach can perform miraculous healings?
Kiper: Good point, Todd.
McShay: Luke may give you a 100 percent, but he’s no Tim Tebow.
Announcer: And with the 10th pick in the Discipleship Draft, Jesus of Nazareth selects … Matthew.
Kiper: A tax collector??!! Seriously?! What is Jesus thinking, Todd?
McShay: I dunno, I sorta like this pick. I see some upsides.
Kiper: Like what?
McShay: Well, he's obviously good with money.
Kiper: But Christ took Judas in the fifth round as a treasurer.
McShay: True, but Matthew has an extensive social network.
Kiper: This isn't Facebook! Besides, the thousands of people in Israel who know Matthew all HATE him because he cheated them. This pick is gonna be a public relations nightmare for the Messiah.
McShay: You mean like Pacman Jones was for the Titans?
Kiper: Who? For who?
McShay: Sorry, I’m jumping ahead again.
Kiper: Todd, I'm tellin' ya, as we get closer to the 12th and fi nal pick, Judas is the only selection that makes sense to me so far.
Author and therapist, Dr. Ramon Presson, is the founder of LifeChange Counseling and the Marriage Center of Franklin. (www.LifeChangeCS.org). He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Posted on: 5/10/2013