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Commentary: Some Odds and a Few Ends

I tend to notice and collect odd things. Some of my friends think this is just a natural proclivity but I don’t want to go down that road right now. Anyway, here are a few I’ve noticed lately.
 
You readers will remember that a year ago or so Nashville’s Metro Council passed (after a heated debate) an ordinance allowing residents to keep chickens in urban residential areas.  The furor about that seems to have died down but recently I saw a new related development.  Some fellow has invented a diaper for chickens. 
 
Folks, I am not making this up.
 
The photo showed a cute little bag with a harness that hung below the bird’s rear exit. I suppose the hen could also lay an egg in it if she were disposed to do so. Anyway, the inventor said it would allow owners to bring their chickens into the house or take them anywhere. So don’t be surprised if you see some of our urban poultry owners with their diapered hens on strings at our many Main Street festivals along with all the dogs. Remember, you read it here first.
 
Our local governing bodies are called upon to consider many unusual proposals. A few years ago Nashville’s Council made the national news when it debated building a landing pad for UFOs. 
 
One councilman “reasoned” that if UFOs did exist, they would need a place to land and that Nashville should be welcoming and hospitable by building such a place. Of course, he had no specifications (how sturdy or what size) for it or just how to let the UFO folk know it was for them. It did not pass. 
 
Recently, one of our Middle Tennessee County Commissions had a lengthy debate over the definition of “shade.”  It seems they were debating a measure to insure the safety of pets and dogs in particular. The proposal stated that if the temperature rose above a certain degree, owners had to provide “shade” for their pets. 
 
At that point questions arose. What length of time could a pet remain outside before shade was required?  How much shade would be required?  Would the shade need to cover the entire pet?  Should the shade be proportional to the size of the pets and the number of pets? What kind of material, i.e., branches or artificial material, would be approved for shade?  After failing to agree on answers to these and numerous other questions, the measure was sent for further study.
 
Most everyone has seen pictures of the “running of the bulls” in Pampolona, Spain.  
 
Apparently, they turn them out from someplace and run them through the city’s streets to the bullfight arena.  A whole bunch of crazy people run ahead of the bulls. 
 
Of course, the bulls can run faster, resulting in some of the human runners getting trampled and/or gored.  It’s good for the bulls because they get some “free shots” at humans before they have to go into the ring and face death at the hands of a matador in tight pants.This past summer a number of people were gored, including a man from Ohio.  It seems to me that we have plenty of bulls in this country.  We should not have to go overseas for this service. A real patriotic American would have stayed home for his goring and saved the airfare. 
 
There seems to be a festival or a contest for just about anything nowadays. The 25th annual Ugliest Dog contest was held in California last summer. It was won by a beagle-boxer-basset-mix. 
 
His picture showed that the judges made a good choice.  Also this past summer, Murfreesboro held a festival recognizing hot chicken, beer and jorts.  
 
Jorts are jeans that have been cut off and made into shorts. I always thought they were called “Daisy Dukes.” 
 
This shindig also featured a contest to crown a Trailer Park King and Queen. No criteria were listed for this competition but I’m not going to go there. I’ve known some nice folk who live in doublewides.
 
In a recent obituary, the dearly departed was described as being “the middle child of eight.”  One has to wonder what kind of numbering system that family used.
 
We have all seen the signs in restrooms that say “Employees must wash hands after using restroom.” Well, Honey and I were visiting a winery up in Sumner County that had this sign:  “Employees must wash hands AND feet after using restroom.”  I’ll let you readers figure that one out.
 
Dr. Lucas G. (Luke) Boyd is the retired principal of Battle Ground Academy. He lives in Franklin and may be contacted at 
 
 

Posted on: 12/30/2013

 
 

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