Holy smokes, y’all!
Not to alarm anybody, but it appears our homophobic, drag-phobic, right-wing, conservative, anti-everything except protecting our young ones from people who are different from them governor, Bill Lee, allegedly…ALLEDGEDLY…spent his high school years traipsing around in — gasp! — girls clothes!
Yeah, I, too, found it hard to understand why anyone would accuse our governor, who absolutely believes in the rights of every parent to teach their own kids the way they see fit unless it doesn’t coincide with how he and other Republicans see fit, of the, ALLEDGED, misuse of gender specific attire. How could this be true, I wondered? Why, it seems like only yesterday, and the week before, and multiple weeks before that, that our conservative Republican lawmakers, thinking only of the children, of course, and with vague references to Jesus and the Bible, assured us all that only deviants with nefarious intent would show such disdain for social norms by wearing clothing not allocated to them by the fashion industry.
It just couldn’t be, I thought, because, if this actually was the case, wouldn’t that mean our governor was a hypocrite? My brain almost melted at the very idea a politician would say one thing then do another, or that someone who relied on the support of right-wing special interest groups to stay in power would actually bow before those very same special interest groups.
No way could a pious, God-fearing man such as our governor have ever been convinced, for any reason whatsoever, to wear girls clothes. No way. He’s just too manly. So, I decided, a pox upon those who would spread the vicious rumor that our future governor allegedly, ALLEGEDLY, wore ladies underwear when he was in high school. No way.
But then…but then…I saw the picture, y’all. With my own eyeballs I saw it. I will spare you the details except to affirm that, yes, the young man who would one day serve as our state’s chief executive is, in fact, wearing girls clothes.
And he is smiling.
Was it nothing more than a brief moment of youthful indiscretion? I don’t know. Maybe he was under the influence of the left-wing, liberal educational system so prevalent at the time. Could be. The only thing I know for sure is that he could not have been dressed in girly-like clothing purely and simply for the amusement and entertainment of others because, as we have been informed by the Tennessee legislature, with the governor backing them up, only weird, warped and morally deficient individuals would wear clothing not assigned to their specific gender. So something is clearly going on here that we should all be concerned about.
If only our poor governor could have looked into the future all those years ago, foretold the internet, and seen how a bunch of dastardly individuals would spend their time looking for things aspiring politicians probably didn’t want them to see.
It would have been nice if Gov. Lee had someone a little more internet-savvy to talk to about past indiscretions. Maybe someone like, I don’t know, his lieutenant governor could have counseled him about things he probably wished had just gone away suddenly appearing online to cause him to get all indignant about being questioned and then stutter and stammer his way through an explanation.
I mean it’s not as if our Bible-thumping, conservative lieutenant governor was, I don’t know, visiting the website of a young gay man, for example, and then responding enthusiastically to the near-nekkid pictures that young man was posting. What morally superior, Christian man does that?
Up next week: Tennessee Republican legislator proposes a bill to ban the appearance of rainbows in the skies over Tennessee because “Think of the children.”
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